karaokeinformer

Time To Define The Rules!

By Jim Lang

Well kids, after all these years, I keep thinking you all may get a clue about how to act at a karaoke bar. Sadly, it has become painfully clear to me, that unless someone drops a house on many of you, your behavior will continue to rival the depravity of a roman vomitorium. I have seen, with my own eyes, adult human beings in the Portland area behave worse than 6 year olds when the piñata bursts forth with a bounty of cavity causing, artery hardening joy. People in this town treat the karaoke DJ as if he was named Toby, but you just call him 'boy'. Many of you tend to act as if the karaoke microphone is there solely for your personal impression of 'Don't Stop'. The fact that you cannot carry a tune, have already sang three times in the last hour, have not offered as much as a sincere 'thank you' to the DJ, let alone the fiduciary reward she or he has richly earned having graciously tolerated your drunken obnoxious butt for the last two hours, is of no consequence to you.

Seriously, there is simply no excuse for the level of rudeness and the complete lack of decorum here in Oregon, and it must come to a halt, NOW! Simply put, the karaoke DJ does not have the word 'Bitch' tattooed on their foreheads regardless of how much some of you wish it were. Listen carefully my babies, if you do not act decently, we will all continue to see the degradation of the karaoke medium, and perhaps one day the only place you will have left to sing at will be your own living room. (If you live near me, I will find a way to get you put in jail.) So now we will enumerate the rules. Disobey them at your great pain.

1. If you cannot tip both your server and your DJ, STAY HOME! Professionals do this for money, not because they are dying to befriend a moronic drunk.

2. Expect everyone in line to sing after you are done. Cutting in line is rude. We learned that in 1st grade! All of the other singers would like to cut in front of you, but some of them are polite enough not to ask, because they have class. Get some class or stay home.

3. Do not scream on the Mic. If you do so it is irritating to everyone else. Only a jerk or a dote would behave that way. Stop it.

4. Being intoxicated does not excuse rude behavior. If you cannot behave when you drink, go to AA instead of the bar.

5. Do not sing the same songs every week. Over 20,000 songs are now on karaoke discs. Learn some new songs.

6. Behave toward the DJ the way you want others to behave toward you when you are at work. If you do not work, stay home.

7. Do not sing with other people. It throws the rotation out of whack.

8. If some patron sang with his friend, do not blame the DJ for getting the rotation out of whack.

9. Be nice.

10. Cheer for ALL the singers. Oh yeah, dance too. This supposed to be fun!

It may sound like I want a lot of people to just stay home. I do. If the jerks would all go back to fighting each other behind the pool hall, more decent people would be attracted to our karaoke bars. This is such a terrific form of entertainment. Yet in the grand scheme it is still pretty young. I hope in the future the better venues will attract the better patrons. The bottom line is, if you do not like a karaoke bar in your part of town, it may be the customers who need be changed.

Letters To The Editor
Responses To Defining The Rules

Dear Jim Lang,

Those are great recommendations, HOWEVER…. I have to say there is a bit of responsibility that lies on the KJ as well….Specifically in regards to rule 2…

I have been in bars where…

1) New singers take priority over those who may have previously sang, but have another song in.

2) The KJ bumps people up based on a monetary reward

I will say, I have always been a hefty tipper to KJ’s as well as my server, I try new songs, and I do sing with people if they are uncomfortable singing by themselves.

To your rule 7, some people are nervous being up there solo…. It is possible that the only time that they will get up there is with someone else… but I think you know that.

Thank you,

Joanna

PS If you had a listing of the bars with serious singers and those with the best selection of music it might be helpful. Just a thought….

Joanna,

As far as a list of Good Places To karaoke, let me say this…

The top 12 listed on our front page is picked by our readers. We allow responses and votes without filtering, so there is some ballot stuffing, but all in all it is a good list of places that I would sing at. Let me tell you, it is not easy to please me. Most of the venues in Oregon do NOT thrill me.

Our Recommended Venues found above the general list however is a SERIOUS look at good karaoke. Every One of those venues pass my litmus test. Like yourself, I like good selection, decent sound and patrons that belong in a karaoke bar. We would love to get votes from you, and any feed back from you about specific venues will be cherished, and if you write a review, we may very well publish it.

Dear Jim Lang,

I understand fully your dilemma, but you almost sound bitter that the job isn't what you want it to be. I felt the same way a few years ago and got out of it. I was so tired of drunks that couldn't bother to tip me even though I would spin their personal discs (and I still believe in that today) and people that wanted to ruin my equipment. I get where you are coming from completely. I had to make the decision to get out or make it fun again. I couldn't make it fun again in a bar setting so now I only go to sing and would like to think that I am one of the better patrons, but maybe not. It is a fantastic form of entertainment and I would hope that as it matures so will the customer base. I do have to say that I have been to some very nice places that were beautiful venues but some KJ's attract a less than savory following and I guess that is to be expected. So in closing, I am still hurt that you felt you had to do an open letter to all of karaoke-land but I am sure I will get over it and I feel I got to have my say too.

Thank you for allowing me to respond.

Shawna

Shawna,

I love being a KJ, but I cherish blowing off steam just as much. I hope everyone took my editorial in the sarcastic, smart alec tone I intended.

Dear Mr. Lang,

Bravo! You've said in print what most KJ’s only say amongst themselves. As a former karaoke DJ, I've long wished to print a list of rules -- or karaoke etiquette, as I think of it. In your list, I found much with which I agree. Here are some changes, additions and deletions which I'd recommend:

a) Do not join other singers on stage unless you are expressly invited. This is his/her turn. You will get yours. I will not give you a Mic unless the singer specifically tells me to.

b) If you think that I've skipped you, come ask me nicely. I do make mistakes, but I've never -- not in four years of KJ'ing -- intentionally skipped a singer.

c) Do not ask me every 15 minutes when your next turn is. Look around. Guess how many folks are in the rotation. Now multiply that by 5 minutes. That's about how long one rotation will be, barring any new singers or a dance break. If you only want to hear your own voice, go to one of the less popular karaoke bars, where the rotation only has 4 or 5 singers. Finally, if you want to be bumped up in the rotation, it will cost you $100. I have yet to find that any of the other singers get upset when I explain that I received that amount just for someone to sing next. (I've also only had one taker!)

d) Microphones are not percussion instruments.

e) Tipping. You have enough money for drinking and tipping your server, so budget in a few bucks for the KJ. Why do you tip the server? Because you appreciate good service and because you know that minimum wage is not a living wage. DJ'ing is also a service job and also does not provide a living wage. Most KJ's are doing this as a second job or to help with finances while they go to school.

A few guidelines for participants of Dallas Fort Worth shows:

1. Thou shalt not walk in front of the monitor when someone is singing.
2. Thou shalt always applaud for every singer.
3. Thou shalt not ask the KJ when it will be your turn to sing.
4. Thou shalt not "boo" at the singers or make derogatory remarks.
5. Thou shalt above all have fun!

Respectfully submitted,
Dana Glaze